The Holiday Siege: Strategies to Stay Focused on My Weight Loss Goals

Firstly, I apologize for my lack of weight loss posts. I have been so focused on my NY Foodgasm Brand I completely forgot to give all of you an update. As you know Thanksgiving and my very own holiday Friendsgiving just happened recently. I went up .4 after Thanksgiving week but went down 1.4 pounds this week! Woooo Hooo! I am now 198.4 pounds, my lowest weight since high school! Why? I tracked the hell outta that bitch! I made sure I tracked everything I ate this week and I kicked butt! Tracking is KEY! While I am enjoying this success I know there is something scary lurking around the corner.... the holiday season.

Ahhh yes the holidays, such a lovely time for everyone except, of course, if you're a Weight Watcher! LOL! What is a girl to do? Well I got some hints I have learned from Weight Watchers and over the years.

1- Give yourself a goal. 

I am talking about a realistic goal, not "I want to lose 15 pounds by Christmas". Seriously what are the odds of that happening?! Your goal could be to go up a max of 1 pound or even to stay the same weight. My goal is to lose 2 pounds by January 1st, 2013. Totally do-able!

2- Plan and Strategize for upcoming events

Yes, just like a general planning the attack on Normandy you need to have strategy to fight and win on the holidays! Think of the coming weeks, look at your calendar and all the parties. You may even shuffle plans, if possible, to ensure not having too many high calorie hits that week. If you have a couple parties you will attend in one week think about which one will have the best food, maybe you wanna save your extra calories or points for that one? For example, I have my company holiday party next Friday and a holiday dinner at an amazing restaurant the next night. So I have already decided I will eat a salad for lunch and a modest plate of food at the company holiday party. I will also save room to have a couple drinks and dance for a looong while to burn off some of the alcohol. I am saving the majority of my extra calories or points for Saturday night- I will eat and enjoy every bite of that gourmet food!!!

3- Know your weakness and plan for it

Ahh yes know thyself...some famous dude said that. Knowing your weakness is priceless. Then you can build a strategy around that. For me I am powerless and have NO self control when I am in arm's reach of food! So I have a couple strategies: pretend I am being helpful and start clearing the table OR walking away and moving my own party away from the food table. One other thing I like to do is to bring a large water bottle with me to remind me of my good health and to keep my mouth occupied.

4- If all else fails exercise

Okay so you had the best of intentions, but you didn't know that food would be that good?! There is always a last ditch attempt at redemption----exercise! Or better yet- plan on messing up a little and plan some extra activity into every holiday event day! Take the dog for a walk, go for a hike, hit the gym....whatever it is just keep moving and burn baby burn! The week of Thanksgiving I went for a long walk Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I also did a lot of cleaning Wednesday. My .4 gain coulda been a 4 pound gain, had I not worked in this extra activity.

Good luck to all of you during the holidays, I will keep you posted on my continued journey: both good and bad!  Lastly ENJOY your holidays! Make sure you eat the food that you just gotta eat and enjoy the company around you, Tis the season!

Learning to Accept My "Former" Self

This week at my Weight Watchers meeting was emotional for me, the topic  was "Your Reasons for Losing". So I shared on my experience on why I came to start this WW journey. I would like to share with you my lowest point where I knew things had to change, though it is painful, I know it will speak to many of you.

Dedicated to my husband: Thank you Jim- thank you for always seeing that beauty and that fire within!! You saw it even when I did not!

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends at the time and I was soooo excited about the dress and jewelry and the make up: being pretty for a day. At the time I cannot even tell you what I weighed I NEVER weighed myself back then. But I can tell you my feet and ankles were constantly swollen from being overweight (they often poured out of the top of my shoes), I had many dimples visible from outside of my clothing from all the cellulite and I tired easily.  Well fast forward to the wedding: all of the girls are getting ready, putting on their special bras and underwear. All I see around me are all people thinner than me, more beautiful to me, better than me. Even when putting on make-up I just felt ugly. All the bridesmaids wore a tea length dress, so I had my kancles and all the cellulite of my legs exposed as well as my swollen feet spilling out of the satin sandals. I was very self conscious and vulnerable constantly spilling out self deprecating slurs about my appearance. Perhaps this is not how other people saw me, but this is how I saw myself. I was my worst critic, seeing every flaw magnified in self hate. Standing next to these other bridesmaids I just wanted to hide, I was less than them and did not want to be compared to them. Later that evening the corset on the back of my dress started riding up and I had this hump that was appearing in the back of the dress adding insult to injury. When it was time to dance I had to remove my kitten heeled sandals and wear ballet flats, my feet still spilling out the top. This was all I could think of, unable to focus on the joy of my friend's wedding most of the night. I love dancing, but noticed I really could not dance for more then 10 minutes without a break. So I spent most of the rest of the night silently feeling sorry for myself and sitting at my table away from where people could see me. Then when I saw the pictures of myself from the wedding I did not see myself: the vivacious, passionate and creative person I was on the inside. I saw  an unhappy shell of a person. An obese woman, an ugly disgusting person in my eyes. 

But it was from this day I decided my life needed to turn around. I wasn't sure how but I knew I had to take action. This was a necessary low needed for me.

I vaguely remember being this person. So when I look back, I am ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted with who I was. Realizing this, I need to find peace with this former Sophia. I need to just accept her as she was with all her flaws, but how? I need to forgive myself for not taking action sooner, but how? The first thing I need to do is accept who I was and not focus solely on my flaws. I was always creative, passionate, caring and fun. I have to look back and say "Sophia you have always been beautiful, inside and out". I was beautiful and never saw it, but my husband did. My husband always saw this and I thank him for it every day! 

Outta control!

We've all been there, super stressed and totally outta control! Yes that is me! The lat two weeks has been very stressful I've been putting way too much pressure on myself.

So I must admit I have not weighed in and due to being sick last week and sandy this week I missed we for 2 weeks. This is totally unlike me!

As most of you know, I am going to be going for an open caring call in NYC to try out for The Next Food Network Star. Sandy took away my first date which was 10/29. Now I got another couple of weeks to go, the new date is 11/16. So for that past two weeks I was stressing over this casting call. I think I got a real shot so I've been putting tons of pressure in myself. Even typing this I feel stressed! Ahhhh!

Now I am determined to be back in he drivers eat of what I eat!! Also I am determined to make this harbor is supposed to be...funnnn!! Let go of the expectations and pressure! This is just a shot in the dark and it is supossed to be fun. Once it's work or has the potential to be money the pressure comes on. But this is about fun and passion!

Let go of the self doubt, anxiety, expectations and the stress! Goodbye and good riddance!

Balancing it out

I went down a little his week. Only .2 pounds but I'll take it! After a lot of stress and an Oktoberfest dinner I still managed to go down! I think this has to do with taking walks almost every night and adding more activity over the weekend. I really lean on exercise to erase some of my eating mistakes and I use my dog as an excuse to get out. Happy about the loss, but this week I hope to improve on my tracking! Even though I had a small loss I felt a lack of control since I was so stressed out. I did not track much at all and that makes me feel even less control. So this week I will track every day during the week and at least the first meal for each day of the weekend. I will also focus on 5 servings of fruits and/or vegetables a day! The 5 servings a day keeps me focused on eating right! Next week I hope to see a pound loss.

This too shall pass

This past week I went up a little bit, less than a half a pound, but none the less I went up a bit this week. But it is okay because I know why. I am planning some home improvements and it is costing more than we anticipated. Stress = weight gain. Well maybe it depends on the type of stress. This kind of stress makes me just wanna eat. I think it is the feeling of loss of control in the stress that does it. Also had my lady friend in town so it could have been that...

It's not a lot of weight so I am not upset, but also not looking forward to tomorrows weight in. There was very little tracking happening and a lot of stress and some more outta control eating. None the less, life sometimes is a roller coaster. I can ride this one out.

This too shall pass!

Another Milestone- 2 posts in a row!!

I AM FINALLY UNDER 200 pounds!! The 1.8 pounds I lost this week took me to exactly 199 pounds! I literally cannot remember last time I was under 200 pounds....maybe high school?

What does this mean to me? It means I am REALLY gonna get down to my goal weight (still not sure what that is). This also means I can literally do ANYTHING I set my mind to!

How did I do the last couple weeks? Well the week before last (after my last post) I ate out A LOT! Lost my way a bit. Ate too much carbs and not enough fruits and veggies. This week I ramped up the fruits and veggies and turned up the activity! So I guess that was enough to undo some of my ill behavior. HOORAY! Oh and I tracked-tracking is your best friend.

This is magic and at my WW meeting today I almost cried! I was tearing up. I cannot believe this, the moment is so surreal to me. I NEVER expected to get this far when I started! WOW!

This change has been from inside out and the weight is just a bit of what I lost. I also lost being obsessed with perfection, self-criticism and self-loathing. What I have gained from this experience is immeasurable and priceless. I earned this, I did this and I made it happen. Watch out work- I really am unstoppable!

Another milestone!!

OFFICIALLY 60 POUNDS DOWN! Can I hear a hells yes?! It feels AMAZING! How much longer do I have to go? No idea and that is okay, because whatever my goal is I KNOW I will get there! It is a fact!

I will also mention this was the week of my wedding anniversary and I still managed to lose weight. I ate out 4 times over the weekend!!! Oh and I enjoyed every minute! It is possible to love every minute of your weight loss journey!

Yeah I STILL love food just as much- if not more than before. But my relationship with food is totally different. A mutual respect, an understanding. I love it, even lust after it. But I respect every bite and the experience of eating. I am in control, food is no longer a crutch. I stand on my own.

I thank you for sharing this journey with me and even more for the support and encouragement! It keeps me going every day, especially the touch ones!

Close to a new milestone!

Down another 2.2 pounds! YAYYY! Most importantly I am a total of 59.6 pound down! Only .4 away from 60! Wow just typing that number kind of blows my mind! Also once I lose 1.4 more pounds, I will FINALLY be under 200 pounds! FINALLY! Last time I remember being under 200 pounds I think I was in high school.

This week was good, got lots of activity in, didn't go too crazy with my indulgences. So I was expecting a loss, but since my lady friend is in town I thought I may stay the same or go up a little. This was more of a lose than I expected.

How much does this mean to me? This is one for the Sophia's History book. This is a pivotal moment in which I realize I will get to my goal weight (whatever that is)! This is the moment I am proud of me. I am actually proud of myself! I am becoming the best version of myself, the version I fantasized about. Who is she?

She is the Madonna of Sophia. She is empowered, confident (not cocky), talented, fearless, sexy and unstoppable! That is what I am becoming- taking small steps everyday to get there! It is happening- it is REALLY happening.

This is not about weight loss it is about transforming my life!!

If you are thinking you can't do it- sorry you are wrong....YOU CAN DO IT! The power is inside- under the voice inside that says you can't is your gut that says you can!

We all like a Before & After but what happens in between in more important!

This is a recap of the last two weeks! (Sorry for not keeping up) Last week I went up in weight pretty significantly *gulp* I am definitely NOT perfect. But I understand this is life and life happens! The reason I went up- A day of really great wine AND really great food for my friend's birthday. Did I go overboard- yes, HELLS yes, BUT this is my life and I am going to enjoy it. Unfortunately with that came a 3.2 pound gain. Yeah it sucks, yes it is a setback, however it is part of life and I lived it to the fullest. I was NOT happy when I learned this, however it happened and I just needed to accept it and move on.

I did just that and I am down 1.8 pounds this week! What did I do differently? Well there was way less food and drink debauchery.  It was confined to one meal with micro brew and pub food YUM! I also made sure to walk to the pub and at one point I even jogged! I also added in more activity during the week- weather walking or cleaning I moved more!

Long story short- I want everyone to see here my struggles AND my successes! 

We all like a before and after, but what happens in between is WAY more important!

Getting closer!

So last week I lost another 2.4 pounds for a total of 58.8 pounds! I am also very close to being under 200 pounds! (I have been over 200 pounds for a loooong time!) I have been at this for a while, which is why the mantra "Persistence NOT perfection will get you to your goal" is so powerful to me. I have been on WW since January 2011. So it has been 19 months. I could have lost it so much quicker, but I am a big believer in enjoying the journey there.

I did feel this is odd, since I have not been tracking on the weekends. But if it is working I need to keep going with it! I am also more active than ever, watching 2 hours of TV is now boring to me. I don't really like to sit still.
I am enjoying this though- I can feel parts of my body I have never felt before. I am always trying new things, it is a whole new life.

No longer a spectator in life- I am living the life I always wanted to live! I am being the Sophia I always wanted to be!

More Unexpected Success!

Went down another 2.2 pounds this week! Hooray! Why was it unexpected? Well it is that time of the month for me, as all ladies know you usually go up at least a pound.  Maybe I really lost more? Who knows? Either way I will take it and my 5 pound gain from my birthday is now a wash. Never gonna gain like that again only because it take a good month to get rid of the weight.
Overall I am proud of myself from this past week because my hormones were telling me to eat anything that was not nailed down and even though it sucked---I tracked it ALL! I used a lot more of my fun 49 points during the week than I usually do, but I made it work. I also got a lot of yard work in, so I was being productive and active at the same time! So hooray another 2 pounds closer to my goal weight...whatever that is, LOL. I am not at all close enough to fathom that so I will instead look forward to being UNDER 200 pounds! That is amazing to me!

My Big Fat Food Orgy

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Challenge Yourself: Marcum Workplace Challenge 5k

Can I make it to the end?

HELL YES!!

 

Who the hell woulda thought I would EVER be here! I did my first 5k and I NEVER thought I would do that, but to do another 5k at over 40 pounds less than the last one, wow, just wow. If you would have asked me if I would have ever done a 5k I would not just say no, but HELL NO. This was so special, even more so than the first.  This one was completely self motivated.

I heard about it thought work and was like...I'll think about it.  Secretly wanting to talk a friend into doing it with me, but I knew in my heart I wanted to be the person that did the 5k. I want to admire who I am. If someone told me they were doing it, I would be like WOW, I would love to be like that, but I can't. Well it turns out I CAN BE THAT PERSON. I trained only the week before. Taking a few longer jog/walks 1.5-2.5 miles. Even did some trail running---and I enjoyed it! I had a goal and I went for it!

Was is scary- yes HELL yes! But these quotes inspired me!!

“Do one thing everyday that scares you.” Elenor Roosevelt

"Life Begins Outside at the End of Your Comfort Zone"Neale Donald Walsch

BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL!

It was exciting and amazing and I felt so accomplished.  Not to mention this 5k also came with the benefit of networking, getting to know so many others that work on Long Island. It was really a no brainer---sometimes you gotta just say yes! Don't let fear make your decisions, let your heart!

The start of the race

The beautiful sunset at Jones beach

Victory is mine!

Welcome to the gun show!

Keeping it active

This week I got some SERIOUS activity in and loved every minute! I lost .6 this week, but my major achievement was in getting a record 62 activity points!  That is the most I have gotten EVER! I went hiking in the Catskills and here on Long Island, I also completed a set of 4 kickboxing classes. I am killing the activity and feeling GREAT! I gotta write more about all the hiking, it was AMAZING! Get out there and get active, try new things you never know what may spark an interest! Stay tuned since next week I am doing my second 5k and I am setting a goal to do a 14 minute mile.

Sometimes Failure is Success in Disguise

So this past week was my birthday. Yes this is an obstacle all by itself, even with the planning for my party: buying low fat hot dogs, light buns, making salads with fat free greek yogurt for dressings, eating only one of each item and trying to balance it with lots of exercise. I STILL went up and significantly! So I was upset for a while that day. I want you to see it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. I ate a lot at my parents house, but not so much at the party. What I think did me in was the drinks! Jello shots, punch with vodka, beer, wine. It was a party and a damn good one! So am I gonna beat myself up? Sure for a couple hours, but then I refocus and I know even though I went up in weight I would not take back the good times I had. That is why it's so important to realize this is your life. It will be a struggle and you should expect to fall, but you just get right back up. I'm in it to win it and I'm here for the long haul.

I have said a lot of time that this is a journey and you need to enjoy that journey.  If it's about the destination you are gonna hate every minute. So should I view this gain as a failure?  I used to, but now I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I also look at all the things I had done right and now dwell on the scale. The way I see it, this is a success! I planned and made decisions I never would have before!  I bought the light buns and hot dogs and made my salads fat free- I never would have done that before.  A change in behavior is actually better than a change on the scale. It's through every little change in our behavior we build our way to living that healthy lifestyle.

So always keep in mind: Sometimes failure is success in disguise!

More Progress!

I had my weigh in today and lost 2.6 pounds for a total of 57.2 pounds! YES! I am sooooo damn excited, never thought I would come this far!  It is the most amazing feeling, I know if I can do this, I really can do anything I set my mind to!

Just a few weeks ago I was struggling with a plateau up and down the same 1-2 pounds. I am in this for the long haul and I am committed, but the same enthusiasm wasn't there. I hit a wall. I confronted the situation head on and talked to my WW leader. If I did not so this I would not have been able to get past this wall. While sometimes this problem can be physical, for me it was mental. 

I realized I was afraid to lose the weight. Frightened of the unknown, my life being thin.  You would think this is a welcome change, but for me my bodily transformation had not caught up with my psychological transformation.

When you lose weight, people's perception and reactions to you change. I was already getting more attention and it was making me uncomfortable. I started to question myself, am I ready for this? What if all of a sudden men are hitting on me? I'm married to a great guy and this point especially bothered me. So next I spoke directly with my husband about this fears and he comforted me and gave me some great advice. While there may be other men that hit on me, they will never be able to compete with our bond. All we have been through together and all of our shared interests, also knowing I was loved just as much 57.2 pounds heavier.

With this baggage released I was ready to continue with my weight loss journey. Now you can see the effect your own mind can have on you!  Good or bad! Plus as seen in my previous post, I went wine tasting and out to eat twice and STILL lost the weight!  Indulgence  in moderation can lead to success!

Enjoying the Journey

Losing weight is a lifestyle change, not a diet.  People ALWAYS say this, but I didn't get it until I starting living it. Yes you cannot eat the way you have been, obviously this has not turned out well, but this journey never ends. So if you are going on a lifelong journey, you MUST enjoy the ride! While before joining WW I would drink and eat and not monitor it at all. Now I reserve wine or cocktails for once a week or every couple of weeks. I will also make better decisions for lunch, if I know I will be doing out wine tasting or for cocktails. All things in moderation! I live life to the fullest and I am not perfect (I didn't track anything that day) but I made better choices for food and I would have NEVER done that 1.5 years ago! These small behavior changes occur slowly and as time goes on, you won't even remember how you used to eat!

The moral to the story: you must indulge from time to time, this is a long journey and if you don't enjoy it you won't keep it up! Salute!  

What is your fitness personality?

We all know exercise is good, we all know we really have to do it.  We hear of all the benefits and all we think is, "Seriously, I have to add one more thing to my daily to do list??" So to be "good" I gotta get to the gym, run on the treadmill, do some reps with weights and HATE every minute.

NOOOO! You don't have to do that to exercise! If you are moving you are exercising!

Here are some ideas

 You gotta clean the house, okay turn up the music and get crazy with your chores.  You can kill 2 birds with one stone!
You have a dog, why not take them for a nice long walk?
You like the beauty of the outdoors? Why not try hiking? (My personal favorite!)
Got some extra aggression, feel angry? Try our some kick boxing classes, or get a heavy bag for home.
Like to dance? Have your own dance party at home and turn up the volume!  Maybe try Zumba, so much fun!
You used to play a sport?  Why not rekindle that old passion.

Be the person you want to be! The person you know you are.  Is that person sitting around on the couch watching TV like 4 hours a night?  Didn't think so...

A little about myself...

Before

After

After

Before

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who am I and why have I titled this blog DesignMe? 

Many people struggle with their weight. I am one of them and I have been overweight almost my entire life. I think I started gaining weight at 10 and just became heavier and heavier over the years. I am 30 now and I have finally transformed myself inside and out, as well as my relationship with food. I am down 55 pounds and have maybe another 50 or 60 to go. 

My Story

When people say change begins within....I never REALLY thought about it. But change really does start inside yourself, your very being, that inner voice that speaks to you. This realization hit me like a tons of bricks and brought me to my turning point, more on that later.

I knew I needed change. I joined Weight Watchers at work at 29 and I did not have faith this was going to work at all. But I had to try. I felt like my life was coming together.  I had a decent job, had some great friends, a amazing husband and I was going to buy a home. So I wanted to tackle the 265 pound elephant in the room...my body. 

Let's start at the beginning: the weight started creeping up at the age of 10. As a kid I also suffered from low self esteem: the weight was either a product of low self esteem of the self esteem caused the weight. Growing up there was also a lack of nutritional awareness: my family was not financially stable so often entertainment and comfort were provided with food. (I will not blame my parents though, they were only doing what they thought was best and ultimately I made the decision to eat everything.) So I was heavy all through middle school, high school and college. It sucked: plain and simple. In middle school I was bullied, in high school I was the butt of jokes and in college I was the girl without the boyfriend that felt sorry for herself all too often. I was not the person I wanted to be, the person I really was inside. Luckily things started to turn around when I met my husband, he fell in love with who I am inside: looking past the weight to see the beauty and the fire inside of me. I finally felt true love and acceptance. Once we were on our feet financially and I had so many awesome friends around me, I knew it was time to start working on my weight.

So this is the point I sign up for Weight Watchers, the second time. The first few weeks are terrible, I am going up in weight.  Who goes up in the first few weeks??! I thought to myself I am trying sooo hard, how can this happen?!  I was getting so frustrated that I was an emotional wreck crying after weigh ins. This is the moment in the past where I would hide in the back of the room and keep doing what I was doing expecting different results. Yes, I know this is the definition of insanity but we all do it. 

My Turning Point

I realized doing what I did in the past did not work, so I did the opposite. I sought advice from those that have achieved weight loss success.  First I spoke to a friend of mine and I really listened....not heard what she said and not take the advice or immediately dismiss it. I listened and she had some great advice. She had been reading a lot of fitness and self help books- she is very wise and always has good advice...this is what I got out of it and this was my turning point.

1. Everything stems from "I am not good enough" 
2. Stop the black and white thinking (the all or nothing mentality)!  
3. Stop seeking perfection, it does not exist.  

1- Everything stems from "I am not good enough"  I FINALLY came to realize I was constantly telling myself I was not good enough. This is tied to number 3 for me since I was always a perfectionist and still am in some ways. I was not worth it, I did not deserve to lose weight, I was not good enough.  I finally acknowledged the hateful voice in my head and instead I started being my own best friend.

2- Stop the black and white thinking (the all or nothing mentality)! If you eat a doughnut you are bad, if you eat salad you are good. Life is lived in grayscale...I am a very black and white person so this is huge. You are not good or bad... black and white...grayscale is where you are in the middle you are balanced.  You decide to have a doughnut so skip the steak at dinner. If you wanna eat that doughnut but still have the steak...have a couple bites so you lose that impulse. I found my center, I found a balance.

3- Stop seeking perfection it does not exist. Seriously!  There is no such thing, there is only comparing yourself to other people. You can't do it, what works for them may not work for you and they could just have good genetics. You are not gonna be a nutritious eater overnight and you cannot eat healthy 24/7.  Life happens! As long as you are persistent you will reach your goal.  

So the first thing I did I was replace the negative inner voice with what my best friend would tell me. This took some serious practice, but eventually became habit. This was my turning point! That week I saw I loss on the scale and it continued. While there were bumps in the road, I stayed the course. 

Then I sought the advice of my WW leader. They are an invaluable resource...trust them not yourself when it comes to weight loss. I cannot stress this enough! They have actually been successful, so it only makes sense to trust in their advice and put it to action! I took screen shots of my tracker and showed her all the food I ate. She gave me personalized advice on what she could see that could use improvement.  I trusted in her and it lead me to success.

Some other points I learned along the way:

1. Be your own best friend- Turn the mean voice into what your best friend would say to you.
2. Self Forgiveness is key- the most successful people in the world are successful because they don't beat themselves up if they make a mistake. Take this example of Thomas Edison's quest to to create an incandescent light bulb:   

"Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." And shortly after that, and over 10,000 attempts, Edison invented the light bulb.

1. Persistence NOT perfection will get you to your goal- This applies to weight loss and anything else in life. Now you start to see why any change starts from within. Be the change and embrace it.  Don't expect perfection, but most importantly NEVER give up. You can also get this from the Edison example above.

What is my hope for this blog?

I want above all to help others.  It has always been in my nature and I really enjoy helping others since this is something I am so passionate about! I want to lead by example and show my continued journey and struggles.  What I have shared above is what I learned that lead to another thousand small changes in behavior.  This blog is continuos and so is this journey.  Even at my goal, the struggles and the journey does not end. But life in itself is a journey and you should enjoy the ride.  While it is difficult for me to write about my past, I hope it will inspire others to see you CAN do it!  If you can conceive it you can achieve it!